If I Had A Billion Dollars

My financial situation as of late has had me wishing for money to fall out of the sky. I would happily live with the injuries caused to my person by the weight of a billion dollars in $100 bills. It's funny. When I used to play this game as a kid, it used to be "What would you do with $1 million?" Now a days, that doesn't seem to go so far. Damn you, inflation and consumer culture! Here is my list of


8 Things I Would Do With $1 Billion Dollars

1) Take Care Of Mom- it is my duty as a child to make sure that my parents are taken care of for the rest of their lives. I think this kind of thing is first on every one's list.

2) Trump It Up- that's right, people, I am talking real estate. Obviously I would get a huge NYC pad. I would probably then buy in Vancouver and London. Next would be Florida. I guess the big question in FLA would be where?

3) A Real Birthday Party For Jay-bee- I have always wanted to throw him a fantastic, huge birthday party. I would hire Morrissey for the entertainment and have it at some great roof top place. Yes, J, I would get you a great new bike and a Ben Sherman suit too!

4) My Own Theater Co.- its every theater geeks ambition. I would want to do something downtown and in black box. I think I could staff a full theater in a matter of 2 or 3 weeks. I just know too many people.

5) Non- Profit #1- this would be something involving education and health care for women and children in poverty. It may be parenting classes and some kind of child care center. My friend Liberal Julie would be in charge of this.

6) Non-Profit #2- There needs to be a magic company that "forgives" student loans for people in need. I would love to pay off some one's loan who really needs it.

7) Sayonara US Dept of Education- I would finally get around to paying off my student loan. I hate those people. If Bin Laden owed them money, they would be able to find him and call him 3 times a week!

8) 1 Year of Travel- start off on the West coast and just keep going west! I think I would have to buy a plane for this. I would love to see my passport covered in stamps! New Zealand, here I come.