Paris is Burning

Admit it, we all love a celebrity crisis and we've just hit the mother load. What the hell is going on with this Paris Hilton jail/no jail thing? Crazy! As of Friday night she is back in jail and now ordered to serve a longer sentence. Apparently, there was some medical issue and the LA County sheriff's office thought they should release her from jail. Doesn't this ring a bell with ANYONE? She is "faking" sick to get out of something she doesn't want to do. Paris, honey, you aren't supposed to want to go to jail or have a good time there. It is supposed to be gross and scary. That is why its a punishment. Here is my list of

5 Things Paris Hilton Has To Go Without in Jail
1) No vagina flashing. Well, maybe. Depends on the other inmates, I guess.
2) No Paparazzi. She can't be a media whore and then complain that they follow her everywhere.
3) No Pinkberry. A lack of froyo really is criminal.
4) No shopping. There is a strong possibility that the US national economy is going to take a hit because Hilton isn't out shopping.
5) No booze/parties/drugs/boys. What the fuck is she going to go with all that free time? Read?