Mrs. Krabappel

Over the course of this week, several incidents have occurred that have left me feeling very old. I am not old. I am 31. The average life span of an American woman today is 79. I am not even half way there. This week I felt like I was at 70 and holding! I am chalking it up to a weird week. I am going to a spinning class tomorrow for the first time. I am hoping the combination of some serious exercise and doing something new will get me out of this rut. But for now here is the list of

5 Signs I Am Getting Old

1) Chasing Teens- not in the Deborah Lafave way (I went to the same high school as her BTW), but in the "Get off my lawn" kind of way. Except I live in NYC and don't have a lawn. I have a fire escape. So when I heard people on my fire escape the other day I got scared. I thought someone was trying to break in to my apartment. Once I realized it was teens trying to take pictures, I shooed them away like an old granny.

2) Best Plastic Bags- when digging out a bag for a friend, I thought "No I'll get her a Target bag. Those are the best." Yes, I think Target has the best plastic bags. The question is who the fuck cares? Old people, that's who.

3) Catch Phrases- I am stuck in the middle. I am either saying things at my son that my mother and grandmother said to me. That makes me feel old every day. Or I find myself using the phrases that the kids use. You know, the internet speak. Then I feel like an old asshole.

4) Tired- I am tired like in my bones and my soul. I think motherhood brings you a tired you never really recover from.

5) Illness- I get aches and pains and then I have a tendency to be a "worse case scenario" thinker. That means the usual health stuff sends me freaking out to WebMD.com to look up what kind of grave illness I may have.