Vagina Pet Names

A few years ago, I had the honor of directing a production of The Vagina Monologues here in New York City. There is one part of the play that has stayed with me since early on in the rehearsal process. The play opens with the actresses listing different synonyms for the vagina. It is a running list in my head and it is always being updated.Please feel free to add your own in the comments section. I present to you

14 Names for Vagina

1) V-jay- this is my new new favorite. I first heard it when comedian Brian Posehn used it in a joke in Comedians of Comedy. There is something catchy about it. I guess cause it is short and sweet.

2) Snatch- this is my all-time favorite. Come on- think of a verb "name" for penis. You can't, can you?

3) Deli Meat- my friend Gurney used this once in a conversation. I have yet to hear it anywhere else so it goes on the list!

4) Vag- straight and to the point. If you use this you are probably a no-nonsense kind of person. It also has a good ring to it!

5) Pink Parts- this is the term that the girly girls use. It's cute and sweet.

6) Cabbage- not sure how this describes the vagina. The smell maybe? Again, another one I hadn't heard before so points for originality but then some points taken away for obscurity.

7) Beaver- this would work for someone who is very au natural. I saw a beaver (the animal) for the first time two weeks ago at the zoo. Have you ever seen one? They are big and scary and VERY VERY VERY hairy.

8) Box- one of the very first slang terms I ever heard for Vagina. I think maybe I heard it in the sixth grade. My friend's older sister used it all the time. I thought she was the coolest person on the planet so for me this one is still has that "first time" nostalgia for me.

9) Muff- again, fond memories of this. Fun and kinda silly, I had a swim teammate who used this term exclusivly. I can think of worse things to call a vagina.

10) Kebab- this was broght into the vernacular by someone on the reality show Big Brother. Another food reference that I don't quite understand. Someone please explain!


11) Beef Curtains- possibly one of the grossest terms ever for vagina. But hey, maybe you like beef.


12) Morris Minor- cockney slang. Try it at a party. Everyone will ask you what the hell you are talking about.

13) Furry Cup- a funny little Scottish reference. I may start using this one regularly.

14) Goodies- here is another girly, safe euphemism. If pussy is too much for you, consider this as an option!