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Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Vagina Pet Names

A few years ago, I had the honor of directing a production of The Vagina Monologues here in New York City. There is one part of the play that has stayed with me since early on in the rehearsal process. The play opens with the actresses listing different synonyms for the vagina. It is a running list in my head and it is always being updated.Please feel free to add your own in the comments section. I present to you

14 Names for Vagina

1) V-jay- this is my new new favorite. I first heard it when comedian Brian Posehn used it in a joke in Comedians of Comedy. There is something catchy about it. I guess cause it is short and sweet.

2) Snatch- this is my all-time favorite. Come on- think of a verb "name" for penis. You can't, can you?

3) Deli Meat- my friend Gurney used this once in a conversation. I have yet to hear it anywhere else so it goes on the list!

4) Vag- straight and to the point. If you use this you are probably a no-nonsense kind of person. It also has a good ring to it!

5) Pink Parts- this is the term that the girly girls use. It's cute and sweet.

6) Cabbage- not sure how this describes the vagina. The smell maybe? Again, another one I hadn't heard before so points for originality but then some points taken away for obscurity.

7) Beaver- this would work for someone who is very au natural. I saw a beaver (the animal) for the first time two weeks ago at the zoo. Have you ever seen one? They are big and scary and VERY VERY VERY hairy.

8) Box- one of the very first slang terms I ever heard for Vagina. I think maybe I heard it in the sixth grade. My friend's older sister used it all the time. I thought she was the coolest person on the planet so for me this one is still has that "first time" nostalgia for me.

9) Muff- again, fond memories of this. Fun and kinda silly, I had a swim teammate who used this term exclusivly. I can think of worse things to call a vagina.

10) Kebab- this was broght into the vernacular by someone on the reality show Big Brother. Another food reference that I don't quite understand. Someone please explain!

11) Beef Curtains- possibly one of the grossest terms ever for vagina. But hey, maybe you like beef.

12) Morris Minor
- cockney slang. Try it at a party. Everyone will ask you what the hell you are talking about.

13) Furry Cup- a funny little Scottish reference. I may start using this one regularly.

14) Goodies- here is another girly, safe euphemism. If pussy is too much for you, consider this as an option!


Blogger Shannonymous said...

Personally, I've always loved the term pussy and variations of kitty, kitten & kitty cat. Which is odd because I don't like actualy cats that much, except for a certian GORGEOUS white one we all know named Sushi... which actually brings me back to another term I've heard in reference to the vaginal region! I love Morris Minor- I actually heard that from my cousin when she was studying in the U.K. Cockney rhyming slang is hilarious! =D I also love the variation on V-Jay and Va-jay-jay that I recently heard Carson Kressley use: VaHEENA! ;D

8/23/2006 2:56 PM  
Blogger MXF said...

My fave right now is Gi-Gi (pronounced with a long I, although Gigi isn't so bad either...)

8/25/2006 2:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Kabob" is short for badly-packed kabob (in reference to the appearance). I think it's an Aussie term.

11/25/2007 1:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ah I thought kabob because you skewer it with your wood stick...

12/24/2007 12:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In the UK kebab is a name for what's generally refered to as a gyro. Possibly it's a reference to the shape.

5/27/2008 8:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had to show this to a friend of mine. She has taught her kids to call their butt a "beaver". She often tells her kids to, "Get your beaver over here!!!" She thinks there is nothing wrong in teaching her 3 year old son and 6 year old daughter that....

6/07/2008 10:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

its like a kebab, cos its beging to be eaten, and its warm and juicy, tastes delicious (better when your drunk), should probably be eaten with a bib, shouldnt be eaten with a knife and fork, and girls dont enjoy it as much as guys...

9/21/2008 4:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ham wallet, Gnarley hatchet wound, and the Frumunda Squid or the Lady Trouser Squid if you so prefer. And heres my name for the female equivelant to "blue balls" if such a thing exists...are you ready... SMURF LIPS!! Keep those Vertical Smiles happy ladies!

5/06/2009 5:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bearded Clam, Bacon Strip, Child Cutter, Fur Berger, and my personal favorite.... The Turkey, which, of course, needs to be punished. "Your Turkey must be punished!"

7/16/2009 1:14 AM  
Blogger phreekachu said...

Was dating a lady a while back, we were camping with friends and doing mad libs, wanted to make them dirty but kids were around, so a term that i love came out of it...

The Pink Sock

7/20/2009 2:39 AM  
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8/07/2009 1:35 AM  
Anonymous E said...

One of the loves of my life was raised in Italy. There they use the term, "la patatina" (the "i" is pronounced "ee"). La patatina translates to "little potato". For a boy's privates, it is "little pea".

It was very sweet, innocent, and therefore incredibly sensual and sexy.

It stuck with me and that is the only term that I will ever use.

8/15/2009 9:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i have heard it called a kooter

8/20/2009 10:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what about all time favorite.....cunt?

9/09/2009 11:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

La patatina actually means potato chip. And 'little pea' is correct, the word is 'pisellino'.

9/25/2009 4:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You forgot "Cookie". My ex was a stripper, her and her friends used it all the time...

10/05/2009 7:59 PM  
Anonymous K said...

Love Glove
Lavender Lick Hole
Pink Love Wings
Cock Pocket

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3/22/2010 12:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What don't you get? Some of them look like kebabs. Simples

4/16/2010 12:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A friend of mine calls it a sconch. I told her I never heard of that term but she says she used it as a child with her friends. I like kitty myself.

5/06/2010 2:55 PM  
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I like to call it Virginia XD

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like to refer to it as a twat I love this word it's so fun to say!:)

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I came across this list awhile back, enjoy. I'll have to post it in two lists.


Ass Mate
Axe Gash
Axe Wound
Baby Atm
Baby Ben
Baby Cannon
Baby Cave
Baby Chute
Baby Factory
Baby Maker
Baby Pooper
Bacon Drapes
Bacon Strip
Badly Packed Kebab
Bald Man In A Boat
Bald Taco
Balloon Knot
Baloney Hole
Bat Cave
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Bearded Clam
Bearded Oyster
Bearded Taco
Beast, The
Beef Casserole
Beef Curtains
Beef Doorway
Beef Mailbox
Beef Sleeve
Beefaroni Hole
Bermuda Triangle
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Bicho (Puerto Rican Slang)
Big Bad Naughty Hole
Bikini Bizkit
Bitch Indicator
Bitch Wrinkle
Black Beard's Delight
Blood Fountain
Bloody Mary (A Menstruating Vagina)
Bloody Watering Hole
Bollo (Cuban Slang)
Bottle Return
Brain Box
Breakfast Of Champions
Brown Bear With A Mouth Full Of Meat
Buffalo Gums
Bunsen Burner
Burial Mound
Burnt Taco
Bush Down Under
Bushy Plate
C Jay C
Camel Toe
Cat Flaps
Catcher's Mitt
Center Of The Universe
Cha Cha
Cheese Danish
Cheese Vat
Cherry Pie
Cherry Pop
Child Cutter
Chilli Peeler
Chinese Finger Trap
Ching Ching
Clowns Pocket
Cock Dock
Cock Gobbler
Cock Holster
Cock Pocket
Cock Sheath
Cock Snot Kleenex Box
Cock Socket
Cock Squeezer
Cock Wallet
Cock Warmer
Cocking Station
Cooty-Cat Flaps
Corned-Beef Curtains
Cranberry Sauce Machine
Cream Collector
Cream Wringer
Cum Bucket
Cum Catcher
Cum Dumpster
Cum Palace
Cum Tunnel
Cunt Hole
Cup Holder
Dark Abyss
Deli Meat
Dick Holster
Dick Sheath
Dick Warmer
Dirty Girl
Dirty South
Ditty Bag
Eat Me
Elephant Lady
English Rose
Epitomy Of Disgust, The
Eskimo Pie
Estrogen Cocktail
Et Cetera
Evening Gown
Eye That Cries Most When Best Pleased
Faith Flower
Fat Rabbit
Fat Upper Pussy Area, Fupa
Fetus Cannon
Fi Fi
Fiddle Cove
Fish Bait
Fish Market
Fish Taco
Flavor Of The Month
Flesh Tuxedo
Foo Foo Valve
Franny Moe
Fuck Chasm
Fuck Hole
Fuckingham Palace
Full Meathole Jacket
Fun Hole
Fun Hump
Fur Pie
Furry Axe-Wound
Furry Cup
Furry Front Bottom
Furry Lap Flounder
Gaj's Fun Area
Gaping Hatchet Wound
Gaping Wound Of The Christian Fathers
Gee Irish
Get Ya Sexy Cunt Out Grandmar
Giner By Clark
Ginger Snap
Gobblin' Cock Goblin
Gobler, The
Golden Doughnut
Goody Bag
Goody Gash
Gordita Cheetah
Gps (Grandads Pussy Special)
Gra Gra Gra
Grand Canal
Grand Canyon
Grease Quiver
Greasy Kid Spitter
Grinning Gnome
Gross Institution, The
Gummy Smile
Gut Locker
Gutted Hedgehog
Hair Burger
Hair Taco
Hairy Axe Wound
Hairy Goblet
Hairy Grail
Hairy Love Hole
Hairy Scar
Hairy Trap
Ham Wallet
Happy Hole
Harry Pablo
Hatchet Wound
Hershey's Kiss
Hey Naner Naner
High C
Hole In One
Holiest Of Holies
Holy Grail
Honey Donut
Honey Pot
Hot Pocket
Hurrah Hump
Husband Hole
Hush Puppy
Insurance Policy
It's A Trap!
Jabba The Cut
Jack Nastyface
Jealousy Generator
Jelly Baby
John Bowman
Kitchen, The
Knob-Gobblin' Goblin
Lady Cha Cha
Lavender Lick Hole
Leaky Fishing Boat
Leather Lane
Lez Be Friends
Licker Shelf
Liza Minelli
Lobster Bite
Lobster Pot
Look What I Can Do
Love Canal
Love Glove
Love Lips
Love Lock
Love Locker
Love Locket
Love Mitten
Love Nest
Love Pocket
Love Sandwich
Love Socket
Love Triangle
Love Tunnel
Lower Lips

9/12/2012 4:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Macaroni And Cheese-Lips
Mama's Silk Purse
Man Hole
Manilla Folder Paper Cut
Mansion, The
Manwich, The
Map Of Tassie
Mariah Carey Handpuppet
Mating Bucket
Me Love You Long Time
Meat Crease
Meat Curtains
Meat Drapes
Meat Hole
Meat Locker
Meat Pocket
Meat Sleeve
Meat Wallet
Mermaid's Purse
Miss Kitty
Miss Puss
Misty Spelunk
Money Maker
Monkey Box
Monkey Tube
Moose Knuckle
Morris Minor
Mouth Full Of Hot Air
Mr. Roger's Neighborhood
Mrs. Drips
Much Traveled Highway
Mud Flaps
Munga (Australian)
Mut (Or "moot")
My Favorite
Nappy Dugout
Nerd's Nemesis
Nether Void
No-No Zone
Old Oily
One Ring To Rule Them All
One Trick Pony
Open Book
Open Curtains
Open For Business
Open Office
Open Orifice
Open Sesame
Open Source
Open Window
Open Wound
Oyster Ditch
Pandoras Box
Panty Hamster
Parking Garage
Passion Fruit
Passport To Heaven
Pecker Holder
Peg Slot
Pencil Sharpener
Penis Cozy
Penis Fly Trap
Penis Garage
Petticoat Junction
Picture This
Pink Bits
Pink Canoe
Pink In The Sink
Pink Lady
Pink Parts
Pink Taco
Pink Velvet Sausage Wallet
Piss Fenders
Piss Flaps
Piss Flaps
Pitchers Mound
Poon Tang Pie
Power Slot
Praying Mantis
Princess, The
Prison Cell
Promised Land, The
Puppy Maker
Queef Hole
Queef Vent
Queen's Crown
Quinn Wharton
Rabbit Hole
Rat Trap
Red Snapper
Right Hole
Roast Beef
Rot Box
Rotten Fruit Salad
Salsa Bowl
Sausage Wallet
Second Mouth
Sesame Street
Shipyard (For Dicks)
Sideways Sloppy Joe
Sideways Smile
Siren Song
Skeet Depository
Slip 'n Slide
Slippery No-No
Slippery Slot
Sloppy Joe
Sludge Factory
Slut Slot
Snoo Snoo Hole
Snowmen Speciality
Soggy Box
Soggy Canoe
Southern Belle
Spam Castanets
Spam Purse
Spaz Hole
Sperm Bank
Sperm Purse
Spit Bucket
Spooge Sponge
Spunk Bucket
Squeeze Box
Squish Mitten
Stephanie's Pocket
Stink Hole
Stinky Orifice Of Doom
Stinky Pinky
Strawberry Nivea
Swamp Monster
Sweaty Meat Curtains
Tampon Socket
Tampon Tucker
Temple Of Chastity
Terror Fruit
The Goo
The Happy
The Real Thing
The Tender Land
The Winter Of My Discontent
Third Eye
Tickle Me Elmo
Tongue Magnet
Toxic Dump
Trouser Trout
Tuna Cave
Tuna Taco
Tuna Town
Tunnel Of Love
Twinkle Cavern
Vasectomy Clinic
Velcro Triangle
Velvet Sausage Wallet (Vsw)
Venus Cock Trap
Vergina (Family Guy Reference)
Vertical Bacon Sandwich
Vertical Smile
Vestial Tube
Vitamin C
Welfare Check
Wet Kitty
Wet Spot
Wet Tortilla
Whale Eye
Whisker Biscuit
Whispering Eye
Whites Only Drinking Fountain
Whore House
Wild Orchid
Wisconsin Sushi Platter
Wizard's Sleeve
Wormhole To The Crab Nebula
Wound Which Doth Not Heal
Wunder Down Under
X-Rated Theatre
Yippee Bog
Yoko Ono
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