Hate Is Not A Family Value

I had some interesting feelings the other day when I launched CNN.com and found out the Jerry Falwell had died. I don't wish death on anyone. Not even someone who thinks I am going to burn in Hell for all eternity. Then I was a bit relieved that there would be one less hate-monger in the world. It is strange to me that a totally crazy person can become a spiritual leader to many many people and then get on TV to preach ignorance and intolerance. If you don't have your Jerry Falwell quotes memorized, I will be happy to refresh your mind. After looking at all these ridiculous statements, I wept for man kind. I have to say that there were many of these to choose from. Here is my list of

8 Of The Most Ridiculous Jerry Falwell Statements

1) " Billy Graham is the chief servant of Satan in America."- Wow. I guess that whole "us against them" thing didn't wash with Jerry. My MIL who teaches Bible study every week to 400 women loves Billy Graham. I don't think she would agree with this one.

2) "If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being."- This is just so ego driven. Maybe billions of people COULD be wrong.

3) "I had a student ask me, 'Could the Saviour you believe in save Osama Bin Laden?' Of course, we know the blood of Jesus Christ can save him and then he must be executed."- The sanctity of life thing only applies to the unborn. I didn't know that- thanks for clearing that up, Jer.

4) "The ACLU's got to take a lot of the blame for this (Sept. 11th)"- I was unaware that the ACLU had that much power. I thought the Christian right took that away from them.

5) "AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals."- Well, this is just hate and ignorance run amok. Jerry sure hated the gays. That makes me wonder. Many psychologists think that what you hate the most can sometimes be what you actually are. I am not saying Jerry Falwell was gay but maybe.

6) "Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them."- I don't even know where to start with this one. There are so many things to make fun of and it is such a short quote!

7) "Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions."- (mouth agape in horror)

8) " He is purple- the gay pride color; and his antenna is shaped like a triangle- the gay pride symbol. The character, whose voice is that of a little boy, has been found carrying a red purse in many episodes and has become a favorite character among gay groups world wide."- This means that Jerry Falwell watched more than 1 episode of The Teletubbies. Scary!

No Thanks, I'm Full

I am back from the Sunshine State. Many things happened on the 5 day trip- first trips to Disney, a night with no baby, and a really fun triathlon. The race want well and I had my own cheering section which was great! One of my favorite things to do after a big race that starts at 6 AM is to go out to breakfast. We headed out to Krispy Kreme of course. The "Hot Donuts Now" sign was all lit up and they were good. I thought I would be able to put away at least 3 maybe even 4. I couldn't do it. I had to stop at 2. I can really put some things away. However, there are some things that I just can't eat a lot of. I wonder why that is. Here is my list of

3 Foods I Can't Eat A Lot Of
1) Ice Cream- I know many, many people that can sit down and in one sit com, eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's. Not me. Never could. Maybe it's all the dairy. No, that isn't it. I guess its the cold.

2) Donuts- as mentioned above, I just can't eat that many. They are good. I like them. They just aren't one of my "stuff your face" foods. All the better I guess.

3) Potato Chips- I like potatoes. I like them a lot. I eat them in all forms. Lay's BBQ is my potato chip of choice. But I can only eat one of those snack size bags of chips. I guess I can eat just one.

Them's Good Eatin'

I leave for Florida tomorrow and have so may things to do before I take off. My list of what to pack and things to get done seems a mile long. When you have a kid, food planning becomes an important part of your day. Snacks? Check. Drink? Check. Since they stopped serving food on the plane a while ago, I have to make sure I bring enough for Thud's lunch. I don't worry about food for the adults. Why? Cause there is a Chick-Fil-A at the Orlando airport. This brings me to the topic of the day. When I get around to going to Florida, the one thing I am concerned about is eating at places I don't have in New York. You can get just about any type of food here, but there are some things that they just can't replicate or have. Here is my list of

5 Musts To Eat At In Orlando

1) Chick-Fil-A- this is a southern chicken place and they really do make the best chicken sandwiches on Earth. The closest one to us here in NYC is in Paramus NJ. That's a bit of a haul for a sandwich. This is also the ONLY fast food place I feel like I can feed my kid.

2) Rolondo's- where are the Cubans in NYC? I really am having a hard time finding Cuban food. This place is great and run by a nice family. God, I miss this place.

3) Bubbaloo's- I say the name of this place with a tear in my eye. When I lived in Orlando, there was only one place to go for BBQ. That place was B's BBQ. It has since shut the door on both locations and my trips back haven't been the same. Bubbaloo's is a shadow of what B's was. But it still beats NYC 'Q hands down any day of the week.

4) Cafe Tu Tu Tango- It's full of tourists, very loud and a chain but I still like it anyway! I am a big fan of tapas so they have me right there. Then come to find out they make a great sangria too. Yum!

5) Any decent seafood place- The seafood places in Florida are just so fresh and good. I love seafood so I will go to any non-chain restaurant in Florida for it. Why are shrimp so delicious?

Tourists Rules!

I still am not sure why I did it. I guess we needed something to do. Every time I go to Times Square I vow never to return, but yesterday I strapped Thud into his subway friendly stroller and off we went. We had a destination- Toys R Us. We had a mission- toys for the plane ride to Florida. Mission accomplished I guess but it was a difficult mission. I just wanted to shout "Stay to the right" as everyone was walking all over the place as slow as could be. That was when it came to me. It should be mandatory for hotels to give out a sheet of general rules for tourists here in the Big Apple. Well, thanks! I think it is a good idea, too! Since I am Chairperson of the Committee To Set Tourists Straight, I have made up the 1st edition of the rule sheet. Here is my list of

7 Rules For Tourists To Follow in NYC

1) Walk to the right- that's right, just walk like you're driving. That allows people to pass you if needed! All natives need this on a shirt I think.

2) No more than 2 people wide- if you have a large group, that doesn't mean you get to clog the sidewalks. Think deep instead of wide.

3) Act like you know where you are going- this just means that you should walk with purpose. Please, no lolly gagging in the big city.

4) Find interesting things to do- everyone and their mother wants to go to the same places to see the same things. There are other parts of NYC besides mid town. There are other places to eat besides The Olive Garden and Pizzeria Uno's.

5) If you need directions just ask- we don't bite and I bet it will save you a lot of time and headache just to ask someone.

6) Don't videotape- what a waste of time. You are missing all the good stuff going on around you while you videotape the Cup O Noodles sign. Besides, how many times are you really going to watch it?

7) Stay up to date- a lot of the cool places of "old" New York just aren't the same. Sure, you can go to Rainbow Room & Carnegie Hall but they don't have the clout they used to. Get online or read up on what is new and interesting. The city changes all the time.

White Trash Wedding

I have just watched the end of a show on My 9 called America's Trashiest Weddings. Wow- they weren't kidding. Being trashy is a bit like being crazy. If you have the wherewithal to ask yourself if you are being trashy, then you are probably OK. The last wedding they showed left me with my mouth hanging open. I guess this list is the closest I am going to get to a "You might be a redneck" joke. Here is my list of

6 Ways To Know You Are Having A White Trash Wedding

1) They Have To Pixilate Your Wedding Cake- I didn't realize it would occur to anyone to have something on a wedding cake that you couldn't show on network TV. But then again see #2

2) Wedding Reception At Strip Club- Yeah! You have it at a strip club cause that's where the bride works. I am not making this up. She also got in to the "shower" on stage with her new hubby and several "co-workers".

3) Fist Fight At Bachelor Party!

4) Girls Making Out At Bachelorette Party- I have been to a few bachelorette parties and this has NEVER happened. If you have that need in you, didn't you get it out of your system in college ?

5) Hairstylist For The Bride Is A Little Person- no, LP's are not white trash. But if you saw this salon in Reno, you would get where I am coming from.

6) After vows, First Thing Couple Does Is Light Up- Usually once a couple is dismissed by their officiant, they walk out of the church/chapel/wedding site and you can see them kiss or hug or something cute and romantic and private. What does a WT couple do? Bust out the smokey treats ASAP. I think they may have even squirreled the cigs. How sweet!