What's In A Name

I read today that Jason Lee (of My Name is Earl fame) is having a baby. Well, he isn't having the baby- his girlfriend is. He already has a son from a previous relationship. Does anyone know what his son's name is? Anyone? Michellephant? Pilot Inspektor.

Seriously.

Ok, celebs, we get that you are artistic and quirky. We get that you have chosen the road less traveled. Do your kids have to as well? I mean that name is just cruel. Both his names are jobs. So weird. I have taken it upon myself to create my list of names for the soon-to-be tyke. Here is my list of

5 Possible Names For Pilot Inspektor's Sibling

1) Fisher Runner
2) Stewardess Bambi
3) Drummer Joe
4) Poet Songstress
5) Shoez Magee

Stand Up

My parents were never really strict with me. This lead to two things- I could watch whatever I wanted and didn't have a bed time on the weekends. Oh should specify that I mean elementary school age at time being referenced. I will not let my child watch whatever he wants. I was taken to see Flash Dance at 6 (how inappropriate) and Poltergeist at 7 (nightmares for weeks). The only benefit of this whole nonsense was that I watched a lot of SNL and HBO comedy specials. From the time I was about 8, I have been really interested in stand up comedy. I have watched a lot of stand up. I heart comedy. It is my secret dream to do stand up but I lack the balls. Instead of living my dream, I will make a list. Here is my list of

9 Awesomely Funny Stand Up Comedians

1) David Cross- I talked with someone recently who knew him from Arrested Development and didn't know he did stand up. He is a great comedian! I would like to see him live.

2) Maria Bamford- she is quirky and funny and has great timing. She is also the only girl involved in Comedians of Comedy. If you haven't seen Comedians of Comedy, we shouldn't talk again until you've seen it.

3) Billy Crystal- a master. His HBO special in the mid 80's is beyond brilliant. It had sketches in the beginning that have that whole Christopher Guest crew. I am so sad that I didn't get to see 700 Sundays on Broadway.

4) Bill Hicks- you have to like Bill Hicks. He talked about things that comedians weren't talking about at the time. Sometimes he hated his audience. The rule of thumb is to NOT do that but Hicks was awesome at it. He is the comedian's comedian.

5) Joey Kola- You may not know him. I do. I got to work with him a few years ago. So funny and a great guy. He is a working comedian as in he was Rosie O'Donnell's warm up guy for her show and now he warms up the Martha Stewart Show crowd. I laughed so hard at him in a rehearsal that I thought I was going to choke. No lie.

6) Susie Essman- she is great on Curb but her stand up is hysterical. I really appreciate a woman who isn't afraid to work blue!

7) George Carlin- he isn't as funny as he used to be back in the day but he's still a classic. And classics never go out of style.

8) Chris Rock- the smartest comedian working today. It's that simple.

9) Jim Gaffigan- just when you think he is going to be all normal and stuff he starts using the voice inside his head and it is funny and weird.

Brit Speak

I am very excited. Why? I am going to London town next month! I love London. I went there in 2004 and had a wonderful time and great experience. One of the good things about going to the UK is that you are traveling to another country but you don't have to learn a new language. Trying to speak another language makes me sweaty with anxiety. There are, however, variations in words and phrases that they use. Some of them don't make any sense. Some of them are kinda cool. Here is my list of

6 Ace British Words

1) Queue- it means to line up. It sounds so cute and friendly. Its more like they are asking you to queue up than telling you to form a line.

2) Cheers- the UK equal to Aloha. It means good-bye and thank you. I love a good multi- purpose word.

3) Fag- not what you think. It is slang for a cigarette. This is just one of those words that I like cause it means something so very different here. I think fag is a lower class term though. Not a big deal since I don't smoke anyway!

4) Ring- this is a verb across the pond. It means to call someone. It just sounds cooler to me than saying "I will call you.". Maybe I want to ring you instead.

5) Smart- like sharp or snazzy. It usually refers to some one's dress or how they look.

6) Wanker/ Tosser- jerk or jackass here in the states. It is just plain fun to say!

Wishes

I have picked up a good many tricks along the path that is my life. I have tried many things and pursued a lot of interests. I have to say there isn't a whole lot left that I want to attempt. Every once in a while I am reminded that there are some things I still can't do- not because I am not good at. It is because I haven't tried. Here is the list of


4Things I Wish I Could Do

1) Garden- I have many relatives who garden. Hell, my step father owns a nursery. I can't keep a plant alive to save my life. The minute I have the space (IE a yard) I will be inviting all of my gardening relatives over to help and teach me.

2) Ski- I grew up in Florida. Guess what? There is no snow there! I went skiing for the first time at 26. It was a disaster. However, I am an idiot so I would like to try it one more time before I give up on it completely.

3) Speak Another Language- Oh, I took the required 2 years of a foreign language in high school (French if you must know). That doesn't mean that I can really speak it. I think the only thing I could do is order in a restaurant. Not too helpful when traveling. At least I know I won't starve in France.

4) Play Guitar- I am not sure why but I just always wanted to learn it. Maybe I have been listening to the Indigo Girls for too long!

Sesame Street

I watch SS 5 days a week as many of you know. I have come to adore it as TV. Short and sweet, here is my list of

5 Reasons Sesame Street is Awesome

1) It is smart- it is one of the few children's shows that have true educational value. I think it is a contributing factor to Thud's strong verbal skills.

2) It's filmed in Queens- yup, just one 'hood north of us is Sesame Street. Well, not really but Kaufman Astoria Studios is but a bus ride away. I love it!

3) It's Retro- they still run stock footage from 1981. I like that there is something low tech about it. Some of the actors are still the same too. It will be a sad day when Maria retires!

4) It isn't annoying- many many kids shows are obnoxious! Either the stories are ridiculous or the child actors seem like they have been given an OD of adderol and have been shoved in front of the camera. SS is never like that.

5) Memories - because it is a bit retro, I get a bit nostalgic watching it. I also love that Thud enjoys something that I enjoyed as a kid.

Happy Addiction

My husband and I share an addiction. We LOVE magazines. Can't have enough. Never. We have a bunch of subscriptions and still buy off the newsstand. It is a bit over the top. Magazines are perfect for people with short attention spans and people who like visual images. Here is my list of

7 Favorite Magazines

1) Cooks Illustrated- for the foodie in all of us. No ads, kick ass recipes and great tips, tricks and advice on tools. Every cooks dream!

2) Bust- fun and funky, they always have great people on the cover. The smart alt girls zine. I have subscribed to this for a long time. I even give subscriptions as Christmas gifts!

3) Dwell- a modern home/architecture magazine with a green theme. This is awesome. Beautiful homes that are modern. Beautiful homes that are environmentally responsible. They also talk a lot about prefab homes. I am really into those!

4) Martha Stewart Living- a classic, never to go out of style. So what if the crafts are not possible to replicate? Who cares if my decorating style isn't Connecticut country with an unlimited budget? I will buy this magazine until I die!

5) Wired- this is just one of the most interesting magazines around. They always have great articles. They could be boring and dry but they aren't. If you even think you like science, read this one. You won't be sorry.

6) Marie Claire- they do a good job of being a mainstream magazine that has something to say. They are a big supporter of V-Day and run a column every month written by Mariane Pearl about injustices to women around the world. They also have great beauty tips!